Friday, June 1, 2007

Is homosexuality an abnormality?

Dear Anytime Now,

Is homosexuality an abnormality?

Thanks!
Love Or Sex

++++++++++++++++

Hello Love Or Sex!

I believe this is your second time to ask. Eager beaver you are. Anyway, to answer whether homosexuality is abnormal or not depends on how "normal" means. Though we all know what normal denotes, we need to isolate in which particular context of the word we are trying to relate it with homosexuality. Normal can be used in the biological sense, social, and heck, even spritual.

In the biological sense, there was a hypothesis in the late 60's that homosexuality is a "deviation from the common genetic structure of humans." If we define "normal" as those people having the same genetic structure that everybody else share, then YES, it is an abnormality... at least granted the premise given above. Homosexuality is an abnormality in one's genetic make up, causing the individual to bne attracted to those of the same bilogical orientation (AKA same sex).

However, gay rights activist expressed their disapproval towards this theory saying that homosexuality is not a disease contracted upon birth. Due to the loud, massive as well, movement against it, it gradually went silent until, eventually, it was totally ignored.

But from what I know, there had been researchers trying to resurrect this theory and claiming that granted the above claim, homosexuality can be prevented by removing the "GAY" gene upon birth. if not remove it, at least, it can be predicted at the time of pregnancy if a couple's child will turn out homosexual. They have not made any conclusion on this and they are still continuing their research.

In the social context of the word "normal", the society WAS (WAS being the operative word) not made and ready for a same-sex relationship. Every religion teaches of a union between man-woman to procreate. This is what normally happens. Anything beyond this is abnormal.

Personally, I think it is just a matter of nomenclature. What may be "abnormal" to others can just be "unusual" or "unconventional" in my eyes. In the ancient time, an eclipse was thought to be an abnormality in the sun's condition, leading the people to believe that it may have been swallowed bya dragon. Eventually, they figured out that it is a scientific astronomical phenomenon.

What I'm trying to say is, anything new, anything out of the ordinary can be called "abnormal" not until it has been fully accepted. I believe that eventually, the society will come to terms with the life that gay people live and the term "gay" or "homsexual" will no longer be used. Afterall, other than what we have between our thighs, everything else is the same, and SHOULD be the same.

As for homosexuality being a genetic condition, it CAN be true. I can never really tell as I am not a geneticist. I think those who protest against this claim isn't really against the idea of homosexuality being a gay condition but the use of the word "abnormal" to refer to their sexual orientation. Who would want to be called abnormal anyway?

I know some people who had a very hard time trying to accept their sexuality, and all the more making it be understood by the people around them. Due to this, these people value their "decision" to be gay a lot and they do not want to think that such "choice" that they made could have been avoided if a certain GAY GENE was removed from their bodies when they were young.

Being gay is very difficult because you have to prove a lot, not only to other people, but mostly to yourself. There is an urge to be, and do, what everybody else can to prove that you are just like the rest.

As I've said earlier, I can never tell if being gay is a genetic condition, but I hope that it is not. "Coz though life would've been less complicated if you were straight, you can never really say how things would have been granted that you were given the chance to make a choice.

Personally, I would still want that choice to be there. Regardless of how hard, how complicated it may be, I know that I was given the chance, rather the privilege, to make a choice for myself and defend that choice that I've chosen. No should be deprived of that chance.

By the way, do you know that having dimples is also an "abnormality" in the number of muscles in your face? And it still makes you cute, so who cares what/who is abnormal.

Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

No Boyfriend Since Birth, What do I do?

Dearest Ask Anytime Now,

uhm... here goes...
im certified gay, 100 percent... and i think i've known it since i was born... my friends know it... my parents know it, my brothers know it... heck i think even our dogs know it...

well actually the problem is, i haven't been in a serious relationship before... i keep telling myself, 'dadating din yan.... in due time...' but sometimes your mind also knows that u'r just fooling urself... i'm 20 for God's sake, and i think my inferiority complex is reaching its peak... my gay friends have had dozens and yet here i am, already starting to count the grey strands in my hair...

i have observed myself and i think i'm not that ugly naman, d rin naman aq bobo... an lalu namang d rin aq boring.... sometimes i've concluded that the problem is not me but what this stupid society dictates... there are an awfully lot of gays roaming around this planet and yet, the moment they catch their eyes on a poor prey, not conforming with the trend, and by trend i mean... d nagpapaka paminta... shet!!! magsisindi liparan na ang mga kilay jan na kontodo ahit naman... i keep my hair long, although i don't wear skimpy girly outfits... i still dress up like a man... (eh d itinakwil aq ng mga kaibigan q pag nakita nila qng ganun...)

and if u'r probably asking wether or not i'm still a virgin, nope... my hymen's no longer intact... heheheheeh... kidding aside... i've done some one nyt stuff just to make myself feel better but i think that really isn't enough...

my friend has commented me why i haven't had any boyfriend yet and she has concluded na torpe daw aq... uhm, yep, i am... i also acepted that fact... but that's who i am... i can't even smile at someone in the street who i know is gay/bi/whatever (i also have a radar... i think we all do...) who seems to have locked his eyes on me 2... all i can do is stare back at him... i can't even initiate a decent sexy talk... hehehehe.... joke...

To sum this all up... I feel super alone... i hate the fact that i always have to go home alone walking along p gil, feeling depressed after seeng all those gay couples (who i may say not at all that happy but still, they're with someone...) strutting along with me...

hoping to have an opinion on this crap,
no boyfriend since birth

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hello!

First, I have to say that I somehow know what it feels to be in your shoes. In the first few months after I "came out", I wasn't so confident with my gay skin. It was because I didn't know yet where i would position myself in the society. I wasn't straight enough to be straight and I wasn't gay enough to be guy.

Looking around us, I totally agree with you when you said that those who do not conform with the gay norms have the tendency to be ignored in the gay scene. That happened to me several times. I wouldn't say I'm ugly, it's just that I don't wear the "I'M GAY" button. I don't wear super body-hugging shirts, I'm not buff, my hair isn't spiky, and I don't have that intense gay look in my pictures. Funny it may seem that its like there is a UNIFORM that one wears to identify himself as gay. Those who wear something else gradually fade out of the scene.

As much as it hurts to admit it, the gay world can be both cruel and superficial. Gay guys like men, that's why their gays. Normally and logically, they would prefer someone who is brooding and manly, otherwise, they would've hit on women. Beauty is really subjective and as time passes by, the society shapes how beauty should be defined. This applies to gays and straights alike. If before, homosexuals brag about their trophies for winning Ms. Gay Phippines, today, gays populate the gym to buff up their bodies and bag either the Mossimo or Bikini Open titles.

So you're not the neo-gay stereotype, so what? The gay world can be shallow in general but I assure you that some look more than skindeep. You said it yourself, you're smart and you're a great conversationalist. For me, those reasons are enough to make me fall for someone. People have different preferences but you do not have to change who you are just because they don't prefer you.

In a book that I read in the past, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the author, Stephen Covey, said that changing yourself or your ways is not the solution to a problem. Rather, it totally ignores the root of the situation and instead oushes you to try some well-tested formula to get what you want. You said you're torpe, right? Instead of trying century-old techniques like biting your lips or making a naughty smaile when someone cute passes by, analyze why you are "torpe".

You are "torpe' because you have issues regarding your confidence. Once you have worked on your these issues, you would be confident to approach others. Do you see the difference? You did not force yourself to change, rather, you looked inside to determine what the problem was and work on a solution for that problem.

I don't believe that love comes to those who wait. However, I do not think as well that we should all rush on love. You said you're 20, that's just like 25% of the average human life-span. You've got 75% more to live. I have a friend and she's 26 and she never had a boyfriend. But I don't think she minds. You only feel the pressure because you compare your experiences with what your peers have experienced and you realize that they have gone much further than you have. But actually, it is no issue. We all walk this life in our own pacing and only ourselves should decide how fast things would be.

Being single can be lonely and depressing, but even if you're in a relationship, there are times when you would still feel lonely and depressed. I can attest to that. Though its good to have a partner to share eveyrthing with, its much more complicated because you are dealing with another person who thinks, feels, speaks, and acts differently.

You may find this as a cliche but be confident with what you have. NOTE, I din't say be contented with what you ahve, I said be contented. Though its OK to desire for what you don't have, make sure you do not ignore your God-given gifts and you always flaunt them whenever, wherever, possible.

Intelligence is sexy. Being smart is cool. People may call me geeky or nerdy but I wouldn't trade my wits for a drool-worthy physique.

Hope I was of help. Thanks for asking.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Being overprotected.

mm ill start..

i have a buddy now who treat me as his brother.. we are a year now of having this kind of relationship.. then as the months goes by, maxado na xang overprotective sa akin.. he keeps on dictating what should i do, how i will behave, todays dinner is, (i forgot that during skul days we were together sa 1 apartment)
1 time, i had this classmate who came from a broken family.. nakahalata xa (my brother) na we were very close then you know wat he did?? inaway nya without asking me. my classmate was helpless for what he did. mee too, i dont have any prerogative to react, to suggest.. in short i am also helpess.. i am the pain keeper for anything he does for me, i am the mute kid and i am the robot who is programmed to live.. Mr anytime_now, paano ako makakawala sa kanya??

PS theres so much more this chained heart to say..

Thanks!

Overprotected


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi there!

As I always say,life is a choice and where you are right now is a consequence of what you did or what you did not do.

From how I see it, you respect him a lot and you value his presence in your life. If not, I'm sure you would've lashed out on him for what he does. I can only see 2 scenario on why this keeps happening. Allow me to explain each.

There are some things that we hate not for any specific reasons other than we know that they are supposed to be hated. But in reality, we have a repressed longing for this. This is my first theory. You don't feel comfortable with him being so overprotective of you because you know that it isn't normaland he shouldn't be acting that way. However,you've allowed yourself to be in that situation because you are unconsciously enjoying the feeling of being protected and shielded from anything that may bring you harm. It is either this is something that you did not feel from your biological family growing upand that is whjy you cling too much to this buddy of yours, OR, it could be that you aare now crossing the lines of brotherly love and you like the feeling of being guarded by this special person.

My second theory is that you respect him so much and you value your relationship with him that you wouldn't want to speak out for the fear of ruining what you have with him.

You know, change will not come from his end not until you want it to start. If you really want things to get "better", at least in your own definition of the word, you have to realize that the choice is not anyone else's to make but yours.

No one will free you from that cell other than yourself. If you really want to breeak free, then will yourself to be.

I hope I helped and I appreciate you asking.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Is Atheism a Religion?

Hi!

Me again. What is your opinion about those atheists who dont believe in religion(an organised or system of beliefs)?

Isn't atheism is also a system of faith or belief?

Fundamentally, all human beings are seeking happiness. Whether or not we can achieve happiness, while not denying the reality of life's inherent suffering, depends on our attitudes. Positive attitude consist of such feeling as hope, confidence, energy and sensitivity to others. Whether we can sustain such positive attitudes to living depends on what we most value. The thing we value most can be called our 'religion'.

Buddhism as a religious philosophy uphold the highest value of the sanctity of all life and taught the most comphensive view of life on how to live as human beings.

Thanks!

Bodhi


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi again Bodhi!

Regarding your second query,I think Atheist do not consider Atheism as a religion but more of a belief, or philosophically speaking, disbelief. Theism is the belief in the existence of a Higher Being and religion is the organized structure that supports a certain form of theism. Atheists do not believe in the existence of a Higher Being, and therefore, do not have a religion.

That may be your own definition of "religion" Bodhi but I assure you that it would take a lot of convincing on your part to make them, including myself, agree with you. I personally believe that when we talk about theism, we are not merely discussing about what makes you happy, or what you value in life. It is possible that you are just using a language game that is way far from what we do.

Atheism has its own philosophy, need not be a religious philosophy, and it is existentialism. Life is not meant to be anything special and it is how we live each day that gives purpose to our being.

I can see how much you adore your belief and I respect your opinion. However, statements like " Buddhism as a religious philosophy uphold the highest value of the sanctity of all life and taught the most comphensive view of life on how to live as human beings" may have been the cause of many religious battles in the past,and probably, even future wars to be fought for the sake of religion.

No offense but I do not think that claiming that your religion is the best there is is appropriate and I was never a believer that there is ONE true way.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

On Being Selfless...

Hi Anytime Now!

This is regarding your previous post that I quoted below"

"Each of us is the center of our own universes and we see things from our perspective, from our own point of view. There are things that may seem so selfless. Acts of sacrifice such as letting go of someone you love just to see him happy, sharing to others what you ahve left for yourself, taking others' responsibilities, etc. These things seem so much of a burden. But why do we still do them?

We are created to please ourselves and make us happy. The sacrifices that we make, the hardships that we go through for other people, we just don't realize it but we these things because no matter how difficult it may seem, it is what pleases us most.

Rizal died as a hero and he sacrificed his life for the country. Selfless, NO! No matter how hard it may seem to us, he did that because he feels good, or he would feel good, knowing that he died for the country. It made him happy knowing that he can make a difference.

Life is self-centered. All our actions, all our goals, they go back to what can make us happy. And there is nothing wrong with that. Those people who sacrifice a lot for others, it makes them happy knowing that they make others happy.

So, its actually, we live for ouselves through each other."

That was very insightful. In Buddhism, there is no YOU, I, or ME. There is only others.This basic philosophy is called the doctrine of NO-self or known in Mahayana Buddhism as principle of Non-substantiality or Emptiness-- is that we do not exist entirely on our own. The meaning of our lives and our happines arises through our interconnectedness with those around us, with the community and world in which we live. An analogy used to describe this principle in Buddhism is that of two bundles of reeds that remain standing as long as they are leaning on each other. The implication is that there is no fundamental distinction between our happiness and that of others. To fall under the illusion that we are independent of others is to alienate ourselves from the world around us. This kind of selfishness becomes self-defeating. The concept of non-substantiality teaches that all things, including our lives, exist as they are only in the con-text of their relations with other phenomena. Nothing has an independent substance of its own. .

Isolated, our lives lose meaning. But depending upon how we relate to others and our environment, we can realize the infinite potential we possess and our own value to the world around us. In this sense, the most unfortunate are those who withdraw to the prison of their own self-centeredness and lock the door from the inside by insisting that their lives are fundamentally separate. In an ironic reversal of intent, those who seek absolute value in their own existence while ignoring the happiness of others are, in fact, voiding their lives of meaning and substance. With the absence of such relationships, all that remains is "non-substantiality" or "emptiness."

In the final analysis, the concept of non-substantiality is a teaching through which we awaken compassion and transcend our selfish ego so that we may actively engage with others. When we view the happiness of others as our own and extend them genuine care, our lives transform themselves from "emptiness" to "substance" realizing the interconnectedness of all lives as well as of expressing appreciation and compassion in altruistic action. The concept of non-substantiality suggests that selflessness may be the shortest path to meaningful selfhood.

Thanks!

Bodhi


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Bodhi!

Allow me to start my post by quoting my last sentence in that particular post, "So, its actually, we live for ouselves through each other."

In Buddhism,you said that there is only others. True. But what do you think is the basis in making this claim? Buddhism said that life is full of suffering because of man's self-centeredness. And this selfishness, makes the world full of suffering. To free ourselves fromthe endless chain of life and death that is full of suffering, we need to discard of the concept of "ourselves" and live for others. Only through this can we obtain Nirvana.

Examine that. The idea that you ahve to be selfless in order to achieve a glorious end already supports my statement that whatever we do is self-motivated. And as I've said earlier, it isn't bad.

You mentioned that life is about interconnectedness, I believe you on this. But which reference point do you use in determining these interconnections? Is it not that you start from yourself to see these interconnections? As I've started earlier, life is about living for yourself through others. At the end of the day, not matter what you do, it is what makes you happy, or at least for the moment, that determines your course of action. Used yourself as an example. Do you follow the rules of Buddhism just because it says so. I doubt that. You do that because you know that it is for your own personal good. You believe in their teachings and you find "happiness", or at least contentment, knowing that you follow what you believe in.

You said it yourself, "When we view the happiness of others as our own and extend them genuine care, our lives transform themselves from "emptiness" to "substance" realizing the interconnectedness of all lives as well as of expressing appreciation and compassion in altruistic action. " Your happiness becomes other people's happiness and its not wrong to help others based on your personal motivation that you will be happy knowing that you have made them happy.

I am also a follower of the Buddhist path but I am more of a believer of the contemporary Buddhism that deals about one's personal universe and how this universe is connected to the shared Multiverse or Collective Consciousness.

This is just me. I'm not saying that what I believe is the absolute truth as the main reason why I left the Roman Catholic church is for the same claim that they are the ONLY way.

I would not want to use the word selfishness. I would prefer to call it self-awareness.

Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

A Selfless World For You and Me...

Ei!

would life be better if each person was living for each other, instead of a me for me?

Thanks!

Eric


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Eric!

To tellyou honestly, I do not believe that we live for others. All our actions are self-motivated and our drives root back to what would make us feel happy, regardless of what it can bring.

All the sacrifices that we make, we do them for ourselves. No matter how hard they are, no matter how much pain it can bring us, we still do it knowing that we are making others happy, and with that, we achieve our own happiness.

So to answer your question, that kind of world will never happen. Each of us is the center of our own universes and we see things from our perspective, from our own point of view. There are things that may seem so selfless. Acts of sacrifice such as letting go of someone you love just to see him happy, sharing to others what you have left for yourself, taking others' responsibilities, etc. These things seem so much of a burden. But why do we still do them?

We are created to please ourselves and make us happy. The sacrifices that we make, the hardships that we go through for other people, we just don't realize it but we these things because no matter how difficult it may seem, it is what pleases us most.

Rizal died as a hero and he sacrificed his life for the country. Selfless, NO! No matter how hard it may seem to us, he did that because he feels good, or he would feel good, knowing that he died for the country. It made him happy knowing that he can make a difference.

Life is self-centered. All our actions, all our goals, they go back to what can make us happy. And there is nothing wrong with that. Those people who sacrifice a lot for others, it makes them happy knowing that they make others happy.

So, its actually, we live for ourselves through each other.

Hope I answered your query.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Is It A Sin To Be Gay?

Hi there!

Do you think homosexuality is a sin?

Thanks!

Vr2@l j0eY:>


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Vr2@l j0eY:> ,

I never viewed homosexuality as a sin. Though until now, I haven't figured out yet how homosexuality starts, I do not believe that the Higher Being will consider something that would liberate someone and bring one happiness be ever considered a sin.

Some researchers hypothesize that homosexuality is a genetic condition. An abnormality to the human genome wherein a anomaly in your X chromosome has occurred, leading you to be attracted to people of the same sex. This theory went further by saying that if this is the case, homosexuality can be prevented by isolating this gene at the time of birth if ever this condition appears at birth.

A lot of pro-gay movements reacted to this study claiming that their sexuality is not a result of a genetic abnormality but a matter of choice. They could not agree that they exist because there was something "wrong" in how they are made.

Considering something a "sin" is a matter of your ethical and moral view of your actions. I can kill someone and not consider it a sin if I can justify my actions. You see, this is relative to the person. It depends on what you believe in and how you are raised.

Personally, I think it is a decision. It's a choice for you to make not to be one, but whether to answer its calling when it comes and be pulled to the "darker" side of the force, or ignore it when you hear its song and keep your ears shut to whatever may be out there that can fulfill your fullest potential.

There are many factors that may have been involved in causing someone to be a homosexual. I do not believe that anyone is created to be someone. Somehow, it is a matter of choice.

This is what I believe in. We can never really tell what the Eyes of God see. I do not and would never see something that will make you happy as a sin. If ever homosexuality is a sin, then I'd burn in hell forever as I would never let go of something that made me know who I am just for the fear that it is "wrong".

Thanks for asking.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Monday, May 7, 2007

"How do you nurse a broken heart?"

Hi!

I have posted this question as a title of my thread. But i want to ask you this as well. I might get another sensible answer... Here goes:

"How do you nurse a broken heart?"

Thanks!

Sports Jock


++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Sports Jock!

There are many ways I can think of to nurse a broken heart. But at the end of the day, what works for others may not work for you. It is always a matter of what works for you.

Ever heard of time 5 stages of grieving? I've always believed that to be able to fully recover from a painful heartbreak, one must go through these 5 stages and only then can healing start.

The first stage is denial. This is the stage where you still could not believe that the relationship is over and you still hold on to hopes that things can still be better between you and your partner.

The second stage is anger. This is when you get a little bitter and tend to point all your hatred to your partner for ruining everything you had.

Bargaining is the thirs stage wherein you ask the Higher Powers or wish that whatever you had can be revived in exchange of anything or everything you can give.

The fourth stage is depression. In this stage, it has already sank in that everything's over and you are just saddened that nothing can be done to ever bring it back.

And finally, acceptance. You have accepted that it is over and it is time to move on. This ends the stage of grieving. Once you have accepted that it is not coming back, you get the strength to stand up and continue walking.

They say time can heal all wounds. I definitely agree with this. There is no pain that time could not, if not erase, at least ease or alleviate. However, time alone cannot heal all wounds. There has to be faith in yourself that you can move on. It is a choice for you to make.

Moving on is not the end of a struggle to nurse your heart. It's a choice. You can distract yourself by keeping yourself pre-occupied with things or dating new guys, but as soon as you're alone and there is nothing more to do, the memories will come rushing back and it will torture you.

Loving, letting go, and moving on are always choices that you can choose to make. Difficult but not impossible. You can only heal your heart from pain once you've accepted that a part of your life has ended to give way to a new one.

Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Si Mamang Pulis

Hi Anytime Now,

m one of your fans interms in giving advise,

anyway i have this problem witrh my MU which is he is policeman in our community, he is so sweet, before when he is still studying we always see each other, sharing some happy moment, giving inspiration to evryone, enjoying our both c0mpanys and also sharing some affection or rather i say SEx, but this day was ended when he become a registered police, and also when there someone who gets his attention,,, i new the fact that i dont have any right to do some action because in the first place we are just MU, and i dont want to be kontrabida in his life, but he alwys hurting my feelings when i saw him txting, chating with that individual, then,

what should i do.........

Thanks!

Love Or Sex


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Love Or Sex!

Thanks for being a "fan" of my advice gig. Seriously, it feels good knowing someone regularly comes in to check what I write. All the while, I thought it was just me who reads my own stuff. So there you go, biggest thanks!

Regarding your question, we have to establish first what "MU" means. Literally, it stands for Mutual Understanding. But we have to realize that "mutual understading" can mean many things. In your set-up with Mamang Pulis, what is it really that you have agreed upon? You can have a mutual understading when it comes to sex, or companionship, or dating, or maybe all of these. It is important that you know the scope of this understanding that you both share.

You have all the right to feel jealous. You can be hurt for all you want. That is normal. I can see that you're starting to think that you are falling deeply for this person and it is normal to feel when a threat of losing him comes along the way.

Thing is, you have all the right to feel all these things but you only have the right to limit what you feel to yourself. As you have said, you do not have any formal set-up on where you stand.

Lastly, as I always say in almost of the advice I give, life is a choice. If you think that you want him so much in your life, then go run the extra mile and tell him. Tell him what you feel and tell him that you want him to stay to with you. Now, after you've said your piece, the choice is his to make and all you can do is condition yourself to accept whatever his answer would be.

Reality bites and it bites hard. Before you make any decision, contemplate first on what you really feel for him. Are you feeling that way because you have strong feelings for this cop or its just that it hurts your ego that after all that you've had, someone else will have him and its like you've all been used up. Whatever it is that you truly feel, it is always up to you to make things happen.

Thanks for asking and I look forward to hear from you more.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Am I a retard?

Anytime Now,

One of my male celebrity crushes is Steve of Blues Clues.

I also like Kuya Tonipet of Art Angel.

Am I a retard for liking children's show hosts?

Thanks!

Moko-Kun

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Moko-Kun,

There is definitely nothing wrong with that. I have an officemate who has a crush on John Gomez. He is the child actor who played Kris Aquino's son is Feng Shui. My officemate is 26.

Not that you're a retard but from how I see it, I may be wrong, you like them for the innocence that they project. You look everywhere and you can see how reality is. As a mid-90's movie once said, "reality bites", it really does. You are aware of how imperfect, how malicious, how selfish, and how mean people can be. Now, looking at these guys, you see the innocence in them.

The thought of being with someone like them regresses you to the time when everything seems so pure and adulterated. It's not them per se, but the archetype they represent.

Or, you just have a kink for men who talks to cameras =-)

Heard of Coldplay's song "The Scientist", that says it all. "Let's take things back to the start."

And by the way, I like Joe more!

Hope I cleared your worry. Thanks!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Sometimes... I get tired...

Hmmm... wow this is a fun.

Ok, here it goes. Over the years I've been trying to get myself into a relationship, and I often stress and even get manically depressed about it. Yeah, I've been through some (ok... ok... alot) and there are some good(yeah right) and bad(mostly) things that happened. But recently I've found out (or something hehehe) that though I want it, I'm really not ready to have it. So now, I'm laying of guys(dirty bast@rds) for a while.

My question is, did I make the right decision? To lay off men?

Thanks!

Rasui Akira


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Rasui!

First, I like the name. Don't know if it's something you made up or an existing name but it sounds cute.

Anyway, back to your dilemma. Did you make the right choice? What is "right" in the first place. In anything and everything we do, we get tired once in a while after having a bunch. And thing is, I don't see anything wrong with that. It's OK to feel "pagod". All you need to do is rest, regain your strength, and be back on track once you're ready.

I was never a believer of love comes to those who wait. For me, love is a decision, it's not the destination, but the journey itself. However, in your case, you said you've been with a lot (citation needed) of men but none of them really worked. It could really be that you're not yet ready to love and that's why you always find yourself wearing the wrong shoes.

You're not the only person who feels that way. Actually, its pretty common. Even I was once in that spot you are in now. I guess its because we have this thiking we are born to be with someone to spend the rest of our lives with. Someone to love, someone to share everything we have. For this reason, we have the tendency to rush things and mistake every incident of attraction as love.

Just because you think you are meant to spend the rest of your life with someone, it doesn't mean it has to start now. Just imagine, this will be the same person you will wake up with everyday. Do you want it to be just about anyone who will come along the way.

Love is a choice, it's not an accident. Instead of making the same mistakes in the past, I think it is better to take some time off and contemplate on what you want for yourself, and who you want to be with.

Thanks for asking! Hope I helped somehow.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Who is God?

Hey!

Do you believe in God.... the devine one?

If yes...can you prove it without using the Bible.

If ur answer is no....then why?

Zaragate


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Zaragate!

With regard to your question, Yes, I do believe that there is a Higher Being. I don't see the need for a Bible to prove that such a being exist as the Bible is a mere compilation of stories of those who believe in the Judeo-Christian God. I'm not saying that what it says isn't true, what I'm saying is that it is a literary work "canonized" by the Judeo-Christian community as it is a symbol of their faith in their Creator.

Now, this God isn't the only god that there exist (at least in the level of cultural and religious beliefs). There is Allah, Ahura Mazda, Tetragrammaton, etc. Different peoples around the world believe that their gods exist and they would not need the Bible. They have their own religious scriptures to prove their claim.

Now, how do I prove that there is a GOD? The existence of a God is based on one's faith and try as I may, the proof that I see for God's presence may not be able to convince anyone but myself.

For me, God is the first "energy" that was given consciousness when creation occurred. God did not start creation but was a part of the Creation. from how I see it, God was the first being that awakened from the vast sea of continuously evolving energy and God influenced the evolution of the other aspects of Creation (man, animals, vegetation).

I don't say God and think of Allah, Diana, or Christ, for me, God is the Essence, the pure energy that has no form. Now, our beliefs in the Divine shapes this energy and gives it form to what our religions project (i. e. Allah, Buddha, et al).

Now, if ever I don't believe in a God, hypothetical lang, I would just say that I'm an Atheist and I need not prove the existence of a Higher Power. My mere claim of being an Atheist disproves all theories of the existence of gods... Philosophically speaking that is.

Hope I sent it clearly! Thanks! I loved the question!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Friday, April 27, 2007

Is this my choice to make?

Hi!

I have a question that has been haunting me for some time.
I am an American and have been living/working in the Philippines since 2001. Since arriving here, I have had a very close friend (male but not sexual). I'll call him M.
M and I have gone through a lot of things together, had a lot of adventures and faced some difficult issues together which all results in that we know and care for each other very much.
M's highest hopes in life is to immigrate to my country - America. He dreams about it and is hell-bent on getting there no matter what the price.
He's been on a match site and has meet an American girl. At first she was very careful about M but M is a charmer and within a year's time she has warmed up to M quite a bit.
However, the American girl is 10 years older than M and very much not-good-looking.
I talked this over with M and he has been honest with me and said that his plan is to get the girl to sponsor him to America and as soon as possible to leave her - all to fulfill his wish of living in America.
I've let him know that I do not approve of his plan. I also sympathize with the American girl. It will break her heart. She's a very conservative girl with a strong religious and family background.
I know how to contact this American girl.
Should I contact her and tell her the real score?

M has told me that his plans are that once he gets this American girl to sponsor him to America, he will dump her as soon as it's legal to do so and then procede to sponsor his Filipina girlfriend to come stay with him in America.
I have no probelm with him immigrating to my country and would be delighted to have this friend there when I return to American myself. But not this way. It's cruel to plan and scheme this with absolutely no consideration for the feelings of the American girl.

Thanks!

Trantruong


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Tranturong!

Sorry for the late response. Been busy the past few days. It appears that you are really concerned of M's actions and his "goals" in life. I believe that someone like you deserves a big THANK YOU from someone you deeply care for.

To start with this, life is about choices. However, not all choices are yours to make. Personally, I believe that what he'll be doing is bad (at least BAD in the sense that it is unacceptable and inconsiderate). Had I been his friend, I'm sure we would've spent our everydays discussing, rather debating about this. But the thing is, I can only do as much to make him realize that what he intends to do isn't right. I can only make him see the downside of his plans but how he will act upon it would still depend on him.

So you have the girl's number. Does this give you any authority to contact her? Granted that you do and she backs out from the wedding plans, it won't end. For sure, M will find another woman that will give him the opportunity to hit his jackpot and your action would definitely out a heavy blow on your relationship with M. To summarize the probable consequence of going out of your way to warn the girl, you'll lose your friendship with M trying to save a girl you don't pain, just to give M the chance to bring pain to some other new girl you don't know.

I belive you when you said that you sympathize for the girl. But what's with her being 10 years older and being not so goodlooking? Had she been M's age and and Uber-Gorgeous babe, would you have changed your stand? Would she have been more deserving for a painful experience from M?

The problem here is not with the older woman but with M. No one will get hurt, not any American woman, not you, or not even himself, if he chooses so. From where you are, I think the best that you can do is show him the possible outcomes and consequences of his actions. The choice is still his to make. You have to respect, accept, and live with that.

I know at times, we see things much clearer being an outsiuder than those people involved but that does not give us any right to make the choice for them. We have to give them the chance to decide for themselves and reap the fruits of their own labor.

Hope I was able to help with this matter!

Thanks!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Imelda's Got Her Shoes, I Got My Pictures

Hi there!

I am a camwhore and I love to take pictures a lot. I love posting them on friendster but it is only alloted for at least 50 photos so I have to delete the old ones. It really makes me sad when I do that. Please help me.

Thanks!

Lenin Marinas

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hello there!

Firs, I don't think that you're the only person who has that problem. I, myself, had the same problem once. Being a self-confessed cyber-primitive, it was just recently that I learned this interesting feature of Friendster. If you feel that having 50 pics aint enough for you, you can actually create new folders where you can store your other pics. However, when people view your profile, only those in the default folder would be displayed. They would have to click on a certain folder to see the pics that it contains.

Or, if that's enough, you can download Picasa, a picture-editor like software, in your computer. This program would allow you to create a collage of your pictures and put them in a single frame. Though the size of the pics would be relatively smaller than what are normally displayed in your friendster profile, doing this would allow you to display more pics in a single frame.

Hope these would help you in your quest!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Am I Shallow?

hi mr. anytime now,

is it okay that i go for looks first before personality? both are
important for me but if i dont find a guy physically attractive then
theres really a very slim chance that i give it a try for a romantic
relationship... am i shallow? furthermore, why am i like this? is it
okay?

thanks...

badger

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Badger!

To answer your question, let me tell you an incident in my life. A
friend once told me that he is dating this new guy who he finds really
attractive. I checked the pic and I did not agree with him. Then I
asked him any background about the guy. He told me that the guy
graduated from Ateneo and is currently taking up Law in UP. Graduated
as a Cum Laude and was named 1 of the 10 outstanding student of the
philippines.

After I learned all those stuff, I had a change of heart. Parang
feeling ko, he looks really attractive. All of a sudden, he seems
interesting.

We all have our own sets of preferences and no one can tell you that
your shallow for that. In my case, I'm a sucker for intelligent guys
that can make strikingly witty conversations. In your case, you prefer
Uber-cute guys. And there is nothing wrong with that.

One's physical appearance is important in such a way that it will open
doors to draw people's attention. Being "guapo" or sexy will make
people notice you. However, it can only take you so far. Having good
looks, alone, cannot save you from a boring date. You have to show
them that you are so much more than being guapo.

Afterall, what is "physically attractive" anyway? We all have our own
criteria for beauty. You are not shallow. Not unless that is your ONLY
basis, you are still being reasonable. Kanya-kanyang trip lang yan eh.
Ako nga, when I date guys in the past, before we part, they usually
tell me, "You know what, you're different than most I've met. You're
smart, you're opinionated, you're well-versed." But you know what, the
only word I wanna hear is "cute". Hehe!

Hope I cleared things with you. Thanks for posting!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Out Of the Closet...

Hi!

i just want to ask, how do u get out of a make-believe scene that your family and friends expect you to be a straight guy when at the back of their minds they know you're not?

Thanks!

Peeping Tom

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ei you Peeping Tom!

To be honest, you can't. Staying in a world of make-believe is a choice that they've made for themselves and it is not your problem if they decide to stay in this world despite the facts presented to them.

Those who choose to live in a make-believe world that you are straight when they know that you aren't do this because they can't accept the reality of the situation. Why? Because they believe that there is something wrong with the choice that you made.

It boils down to what they think about homosexuality. Most definitely, they see it as either something evil, something that may harm you, or something that's just normal. For whatever reason, they believe that things shouldn't be that way.

One thing is for sure, they care for you. They pretend that they don't know because they are concerned with what you feel so instead of trying to change you, they just try to change the way they see you.

At times, you need not say anything to admit or deny something. Just give them time to absorb, then accept what happened and they will eventually be able to break away from their illusion.

Most importantly, show them that you are happy with the decision that you made and prove them other than your sexual orientation, nothing really changed and you're still the same person they've always known.

Thanks for asking this very personal question.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Of Dating Sites and Online Community Websites...

Why do you think dating sites don't have a list of a member's network of friends unlike Friendster and MySpace?

Thanks!

Roy

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Roy!

Forgive me but I'm not much familiar with dating sites and online community webs. Though I know that they are, I haven't really used them.

Now, why don't we have a friends' network in dating sites? Not really sure and I never really thought that was necessary. I do have a theory though, make it a generalization.

Check the website of friendster, myspace, et al, they both say that their website is about getting you connected to the online community. It's more of getting you acquianted to the cyber life by letting you meet other people and get linked up with those known by those you know. In other words, they are online community websites. That is what their born to do-- show how members of the website are connected to each other.

Dating sites are, primarily, for single people (but nowadays, its no longer restricted to single people) looking for interesting people to go out on dates with and other agenda that exist. All dating sites are like this. They wouldn't show you how a member is connected to other members as those viewng the profile would have a negative impression that he has hooked up with a lot of people from the site.

Hope I gave a logical explanation.

Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Ala V for Vendetta... The Follow Up Question

Ei Anytime Now!

but are, for example, the fedayeen. they keep on saying that they were not terrorists but they do things for peace or whatever (will of god?). and some asserts that what they do is for the liberation of the people. on their way into liberating people, they murder alot. can we consider them as terrorists? or shall we take their words viz. they are not?

Thanks!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Paolo!

Thanks for your follow-up question.

Use of terms apply only within a group who share the same belief on things and their definition of things would be different from those existing outside their group. If we would use our definition of terrorism, they would definitely be terrorist. But in their consensus belief, what they do is not terrorism and is an act of heroism.

Do we need to take their word for it? We can but I doubt that we would. Our belief system is always based on how external events affect us internally and no matter how those involved project themselves to the public, we will see them as how they have affected us.

For me, these bombings and mass killings around us are all crazy. I know that whoever is doing this has a reason for doing so and I know he believes that what he's doing is reasonable.

We may or may not agree. The point is, your stand is always based on how a certain incident affects you regardless of the motives or reasons behind it for happening.

Hope I answered it clearly!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Love comes to those who wait... Nah!

Yo, g'day.

I saw your posts somewhere and I thought, what the heck, I could use a (good) second opinion on stuff. I have a

couple of questions for you.

Do you do link trades? I've linked to you, at the moment, and you can see the link at http://salamangkero.trap17.com/links.php and I do think your blog is a nice idea, especially for lost people who seek (free) advice.

There was once a time in my life when I sought to keep my virginity. Then, after a friendly rejection from a close friend, I was lost, engaged in casual sex and discovered that there was much fuss about nothing. Now, I can say I have mellowed down, that the novelty of sex wore off and the excitement of orgasm can only do so much. I was bombarded with work-related responsibilities so I didn't have much time to meet new people either.

A part of me deems it to be for the best. I should really focus on my work at the present and never attempt to quickly find love by short-circuiting it again. I discovered that the more you look for it, the more it eludes you. Besides, I convinced myself there is nothing wrong with being single.

However, there is also a part of me that yearns to be with someone. I've tried a romantic relationship with less than five guys, in the past, but it all ended with me breaking away due to incompatibility (except for one that ended with rejection) I know that a person can be happy without a partner but my other self longs for intimate company, all the same.

Just this afternoon, I was at a nearby bookstore when I noticed this guy. My gay-dar is nowhere as keen as most gay people's are and it mostly detects whether a guy is "datable" or not instead of gay or straight. Anyway, there was a ping on my gay(date)dar and I checked him out. He was reading a magazine so he didn't know I was looking. He was decent-looking, on the outside and, gicing him the benefit of the doubt, I don't think he's a total dumb bloke either. However, I didn't know what to do so I just walked away, metaphorically empty-handed with nary a mobile phone number nor an email address.

How do I reach out to guys like me? How do I convey my interest without risking conflict? I'll have you know that I am allergic to violence directed at myself. Do I sound like I'm ready for a serious romantic relationship? Is there really hope of me "finding" my soulmate or do I really have to just sit back wait?

No, I'm not lost; I do have a good notion of the answers but I am quite interested to find another person's take on the matter. I'll be looking forward to your post ^_^

Sky Raeff


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Sky Raeff!

First and foremost, I really appreciate your positive feedback. Though reader's entertainment is not really the primary goal of this blog, I'm glad that some people like you really enjoy reading my blog. More than that, I would like to thank you for letting me know what you feel about this. It's one thing to appreciate something, it's another to tell its creator of your appreciation. Thank you so much!

I am sure that once upon a time, I see virginity, not just mine but VIRGINITY per se, as something so precious that I wouldn't give it to just about anyone. I'm pretty sure we are not alone in that. Don't you just miss these days when we are still so ideal with life and it's all about how things SHOULD be. Though having some reality check, specially with our generation, we know that sex is no longer SOMETHING, it's just one of the many things. But it still feels good to know that once upon a time, we were ideal and innocent.

There is nothing wrong with being single. No need to convince yourself on that as it's a fact. Being single would allow you to do a lot of things you wouldn't normally do when you're in a relationship. There are lots of possibilities that you can explore and so many doors that can only be opened exclusively for you.

Though I believe that focussing on your work is a good thing as it would help you determine where you wanna be in terms of your career, it stops being so when it is just a mere distraction. Remember the Law of Entropy? A closed system will tend to move towards its maximum state of disorder until it self-destructs. An external energy applied to the system may prevent its collapse, however, pulling this external energy out of the system will again lead the system back to its destruction.

Keeping yourself busy with work does only keeps you busy from thinking about your lovelife. It doesn't change anything, it only respresses your longing to be in an "ideal" relationship you've always wanted to have. Keeping yourself busy with work, or with anything at all, is OK so as long as you're not doing it just to keep yourself busy from being busy with something else. Gets?

You said you've tried being in relationships but they did not work due to "incompatibility". Can I ask you how old you are? Because I think, no offense, basing on your statement that you've had 5 failed relationships (technically 4), how long did each relationship last for you to conclude that you are not compatible? Don't you think that "incompatibility" is a very overused reason for break-ups? Personally, I don't believe that such differences would be enough to cause a break-up. Not unless he prefers skinning live animals for a past time, I don't think it would be much of a strain in the relationship that no matter how much similarities you have, you still are different people and you have to understand, accept, then live with those differences, if you really want things to work out.

There are only 2 reasons for break-ups, (1) you don't wanna be in the relationship, (2) or you want it to work, but you wouldn't do anything to save it. All relationships encounter problems but if you wouldn't face these problems to protect your relationship, then who would? I'm not saying that you should take on the "martyr" role, what I'm saying is if you really want something to work, you would go the extra mile to make it happen.

Companionship is different from commitment. Just because you want to HAVE SOMEONE TO BE WITH, it doesn't mean you WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE. From what I see, you are repressing your longing to be in a successful relationship that it (unconsciously and unintentionally) manifests in forcing yourself to be in relationships that you never really wanted to be part of in the first place. You are not yet ready be in a serious commitment right now and these 5 failed relationships that you had just proves them. However, you are pushing it to prove to yourself that you are worthy of being loved and you are capable of loving someone within the context of a relationship.

You don't need affirmation. You don't need to convince yourself anything. Most of all, you don't need someone to tell you what you're worth and what you're capable of doing. Commiting yourself should not be an answer to a question or a solution to a problem, it should be destination. A goal.

Love comes to those who wait. I never believed in that. But I don't believe as well that if you look for love, you'll find it. It's not something that you find instantly. Love is the outcome, the fruit, the end product, of the choice to be with someone until you reach the point of falling for him. Love is a choice. Though you don't choose who to love, you can decide who you'd like to love eventually.

Its not a question of when you will meet your soulmate, or who you're destined to be with. It's asking yourself "Am I willing to take the path with this person that will eventually lead us to fall in love?"

I've never really tried throwing a pick-up line to a stranger but if you feel like doing it, why not? At least you get to experience how its like. At times, the act of doing something is more satisfying than its results. You'll never know what may happen.

Don't rush yourself. It may be a cliche but its true (that is why it is a cliche in the first place). Go out and date. Meet new people. Take your time to get to know people better and deeper before going into any relationship. Once you've met someone that you find really interesting, ask yourself if you're ready to decide to love.

Thanks for asking! Hope I gave you enlightenment.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Ala V for Vendetta

"One man's terrorist, is another's freedom fighter."
agree or not? what is terrorism?

Paolo


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

V for Vendetta.

I agree that this can be true though I can't cite an instance that I've known this to be true. Who ever is at power can make any act of rebellion a ruthless plot of terrorism. Its a defence mechanism to protect their status.

Bloodshed without reason is terrorism. Therefore, if I am the ruler and I don't acknowledge your ideology, your acts to oppose my will is terrorism to me.

To be honest, I don't think that terrorist do acknowledge themselves as terrorist. I don't believe that anyone would do something that they think is bad (at least for themselves). There is a deeper reason, a much meaningful motive, to the "terrorism" that we see today. However, we don't see their reason as reasonable as they do and we can't consider their meanings as meaningful as they can.

Unfair it may seem, that is life. It is the strugglle of beliefs and ideologies.

Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Love is...

Hi!

What is love?

Paolo


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ei! Corny but very cheesy.

Naks naman ang question. I can only share of what I believe in as different dictionaries and encyclopedia define it differently. Love is a choice. Its is the choice that you make that would affect all other choices that you'll make in the future. It is the act of choosing to be happy by making others happy. It does not have any levels or intensities, but it can take many forms. Once you really love someone, you can never stop loving even if you no longer have it with you.

That for me is love.

Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

I Want To See Them But I Don't Wanna Be With Them!

hi!

it's kinda personal...naglayas ako sa family ko and i am presently living with my friends...i have no peace of mind...i wanna see my family again but i dont wanna live with them under one roof kasi nagaaway lang kami most of the times... i am single and working as a call center agent but i find it difficult to live like a yuppy dahil nagkaroon ako ng bisyo with my former barkadas. It seems like kailangan ko ng outlet sa lahat ng mga problema ko...but still, i can't find myself belonged...i attempted suicide several times pero di ko mapursue to do it...I need your advice...WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Thanks!

Brian Flores

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You've already enough caused pain to your family when you left the house. Imagine how much pain your parents would feel if they lose you for good. Based on what I can sense in your letter, you don't want that to happen as well.

I know that I'm not in the position to assume the intensity of the arguements that you have with your family, but imagine this, the fact that you're away and you miss them so much means they are that important to you.

Wanting to see them again is different from wanting to live with them. It was your choice to live independently, you have to face the consequences of that responsibly. If you just wanna see them so there'll be people na pipigil sa 'yo sa bisyo mo, we all know that at some point in time, we'd lose them. What if that time comes, who will do it for you?

Brian, quitting anything is hard. You can read books, go to church, get into sports, and try anything just to get your mind out of it. But trust me, it only works temporarily. Distraction and diversion only keep the harm at bay. They don't eliminate it.

It may sound much of a cliche but change really does come from within. You have to choose that it has to stop, with or without your family with you. One more thing, real friends will respect your decision. If you're not into what they're doing, they won't force you. Lalo kapag masama. if they insist that you join them, think twice kung kaibigan nga sila. Camaraderie is different from friendship.

As for your family, it is up to you if you wanna go back. Do you prefer living with them and having constant arguement, or would you choose to be away and die missing them.

One thing I am certain, at the end of the day, your family will never turn your back on you who ever and what ever you ahve become.

I wish you well. If you believe in a God or a Higher Being, it helps to talk to with Him/Her. You can't say everything you want, you can lash out at Him/Her, curse, blame Him/Her for everything, and He/She won't argue with you.

When you're done doing that, you'd realize that we can blame anyone for the bad things in our life, we can pray that things get better, we can wish that all our dreams would come true, but at the end of the day, it's still up to us to make those changes possible.

Life is valuable. Don't waste it.

Thanks for asking.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Am I Doing The Wrong Thing?

hi...

i have this problem that really bothered me for weeks now...

i have a bf... but he is out-of-the-country now...he left for japan some 2 weeks already...

now, i met this married guy from our neighborhhood... he lives a block from my place... one time, as i was waiting for a tricycle that would bring me out of our village... he passed by me and stopped his car to offer me a ride out... so i hopped in...we exchanged cell numbers and that started our friendship... he would often invite me to his house and have some drinks so i got to know his wife and his children that well already...

last holy week, his wife went to her hometown in bicol with their kids and he's left home alone...

so every night he would always invite me to his house to have him company... we would always end up in bed and i admit i enjoy having sex with him....

last saturday we spent our night together in a resort and that was the first time i felt something special between us...

now my problem is....im falling for this married guy... i know i have a bf but as i said earlier he's far off... and here is someone willing to spend his time with me... but he's married... what do you think i should do?

thanks...

Kadyo


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi there!

Weird name for a woman. But anyway, a boyfriend far-away does not lose his title of being YOUR boyfriend. A wife gone to the province remains HIS wife. Their rroles don't change just because they are not around.

Kadyo, I know you know what should be done. Love is a choice, you are therewhere you are now because you allowed yourself to be in that path the moment you had sex with him. I'm not saying it's your fault, he also wanted it. He also enjoyed it.

Now things already happened, we cannot do anything to reverse it. We can only act upon whatever consequence it may bring. As I've said earlier, just because your partners are away, it doesn't mean they don't exist. They still do. And lack of proximity does not give you any reason to go unfaithful.

I'm not saying that what you did is wrong, it was just very inconsiderate. Loving is a choice and just like any other choice, you can choose what to do next.

Ask yourself, are you willing to destroy a family and ruin what you and your boyfriend have for choosing to be with a guy you chose to fall in love with after giving you a ride.

Its isn't a tough decision, at least not yet. You are given a second chance to decide wisely, use it wisely. Loving isn't just about romance, it's also about commitment.

Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

That Northern Light Thing...

Ei Anytime Now,


I love the Northern Lights. What is responsible for that phenomenon again?

Thanks!

Paolo Varela


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ei Paolo!

It's called Aurora Borealis, coming from the name of Boreas, the North
Wind in Greek mythology. This phenomenon occurs when the solar winds
travel at a farther distance causing heat waves to ionize the
flammable gases in the atmosphere like Helium and Hydrogen. This
ignition forms the clouds of light. At the same time, this
radiation disrupts the electromagnetic particles in our atmosphere
that may affect radio transmissions and signals.

This same incident also happens in the Southern hemisphere and is
called Aurora Australis.

They only happen in the polar regions as they are the ones nearest to
the sun and more exposed to radiation.

Though I am a fan of Astronomy, I suggest you check other references
just in case my memory isn't as good as before.

Thanks for asking that very wonderful question. Reminds me
of the time when Pluto was still a planet.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Why Can't Guys be Contented?

Hi Anytime Now,

hmmm nice blog huh.

why guys are not easily contented to one? is it because ganoon
talaga ang mga guys?

Thanks!

Saint Daine

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To Saint Daine:

It is true, homo sapien men are polygamous in nature than the female
species. natural as it appears, it doesn't mean its right. And just
because you're a man, it doesn't mean you have to follow the trend.

Contentment comes with knowing what you really want. Its hard to speak
in general that we cannot be contented to one when we are not really
sure what particular aspect of a relationship we are referring to.

many may argue but I believe that contentment is a choice. Though it
is normal for all, men and women alike, to want
something better, you have to know when you will decide to stop and
choose to be contented with what you have.

Lack of contentment is cause by the thinking that there is always
something better that will come along your way. if this is how we
think, then we would spend the rest of our lives jumping from one
person to another everytime someone better comes along.

Contentment is not a goal. It is a choice. Hope I answered your question.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

It's All In The Barkada...

Dear Mr. Anytime Now,

I am gay and have been dating a guy for some time now. He's an ex of a friend.
Their relationship wasn't exactly a good one, but they parted ways
peacefully and now they're good friends. This guy I'm dating has alos
been linked to some of my other friends. He has this reputation of
being a player - he admits it, though. But lately, he says he's
changed and I can sense that he's sincere (or maybe just really good
at pretending to be). The thing is, my friends doesn't approve of him
to be my boyfriend. There was this one incident when he met up with
his ex who was leaving for the States the next day. He didn't tell me
about it, explaining that he didn't want it to be an issue between the
two of us. He said he just wanted to say goodbye. The things is, he
lied to me even when I already figured out he went out with him. I
told him I wouldn't have a problem with it if he had just told me so.
He apologized and admitted it was entirely his fault and he promised
never to do it again.

I really REALLY like him and I can feel he likes me, too. But I'm
scared to death because I can't afford to get hurt again. He said he's
willing to wait for me and gain my trust as well as my friends'. He
wants me to make him "suffer" and leave everything to him.

Should I give him a chance?

Thanks!

Myro


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Hi Myro!

Sorry for the late response. I was busy earlier office works.
Anyway, I've been in the same shoes before and I must tell you that
friends turning to lovers and sharing lovers with friends are 2 of the
most uncomfortable incidents that could happen in your life. This can
even cost you your friendship. But at the end of the day, I believe
that those who really love you would understand whatever your decision
will be.

So what if this guy has a reputation? Everyone can change and everyone
is entitled to the chance to change. Who knows? Reputations are like
stereotypes. You predict the next chain of events using what had
transpired in the past. But again, they just predict, they don't
conclude what would happen and who the person is.

These friends of yours who do not approve of the guy you were dating,
how close are you to them? Different people have different motives,
even the closest friends. It is possible that they are just concerned
and they wouldn't want you to get hurt. it is also possible that some
of them are bitter and don't want you to have what they didn't. Or, it
is a probability that they don't feel comfortable being with a guy
that has been with every person in the barkada. Weigh how things are
between you and your friends. Most of the time, they make good judges
of people in your life. But at times, only you can see what others
can't in someone you treat special.

Regarding honesty, it is a virtue and I believe it is important.
However, some things are better left unsaid as they would not bring
anything good. Either way, not telling you the truth means he is
hiding something. It is possible that it really wasn't a biggie that
you need not know about it or he has personal motives. I don't wanna
be a judge to him but in my opinion, if it is something as "mababaw"
as taking an ex to the airport, I don't see anything wrong telling
you about it. Trust is so fragile that years of regret can never put
back its broken pieces.

You like him? I say go as long as you know what the consequences are.
There are many things in this life that you would regret that you did
not do than those you did. If nagpapakababaw nga tayo exerting effort
to see our crushes or get someone's number that we just met, what more
to a person that you really like. Had I been in your shoes, hell I
would take the chance.

Myro, real friends would understand and accept you whatever your
decision will be so as long as you are not hurting anyone in the
process intentionally. if you think you may hurt others with what you
will do, talk to them first before making any decision.
People may say a lot of things about your choice but those who do
don't matter and those who really matter, won't.

Hope I was of help! Thanks for asking.

Just Ask Anytime Now!
Dear Anytime Now,

How can I win the love of a guy na meron nang mahal na iba? will that
make me mangaaagaw? If so, Paano naman iyong feelings ko,iyong
pagmamahal ko duon sa guy paano na, patayin ko na lang ba?

Thanks!

Erwyn


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hello Erwyn!

First and foremost, I like the name.

We all have the right to love, we all have the right to desire for
something that we want, we all have the right to want something that
others possess. However, we do not have the right to hurt someone just
to get what we have always wanted.

Loving is a good thing. It can never be wrong. But, it's how you act
to this feeling that makes it questionable. You said he is in love
with someone else but you did not specify if he is WITH someone else.

If he is just falling, or maybe fell, for someone but they are not
really together, I say take the chance. Make yourself noticeable to
his eyes. I'm not just referring to your appearance but more of
showing him what you have that his eyes cannot see. Show him how much
a loving person you can be if he is with you. Show him you love him.

Whether or not he would return the favor, that is a risk you have to
take. You ahve already done your part and the rest is up to him. You
cannot force him if he doesn't want to. He still has a choice for
himself.

However, if he is in a relationship, YES, you'd be a mang-aagaw.
Whether their relationship is running pretty smooth or getting rocky,
I don't believe that trying to steal him from his partner is a good
idea. Can you really be happy having him when you know that someone
got hurt in the process.

And consider this, if he left his current boyfriend for you, then how
long would it take for him to leave you when someone better comes
along? Right?

Loving is respect. As painful as it sounds, there are some "loves"
that need not be opened for they will just cause harm. At least keep
them for the meantime and go on with your life. You never know what
will happen next.

But when the chance comes that he is single and you still feel the
same for him, then by all means, GO and walk the extra mile to win his
love.

Love is alwasy beautiful so as long as in the process of doing so, no
one is hurt.

Thanks for posting! I hope it gave you peace of mind. Somehow.

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Waiting... And Waiting Still

Hi Anytime Now!

I have a few questions to ask!

*well is it really okay to wait for your ex to comeback and accept you again?
*how long should i wait for him?
*is it really hard to move on if theirs what we call unfinish business?

Seattle's Be

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To Seattle's Be!

First, I do not believe in waiting. There is only taking initiative
and taking a rest. Either way, the burden lies on you, not any other
person. Is it Ok to wait for your ex to come back? You have to
consider what really is it are you waiting for. Was there any
circumstance that gave you an idea that he is still coming back. You
have to have some solid basis because otherwise, you are just assuming
that he will be.

This is the pain of waiting. You wait for someone to bring you good
news that would make you happy. For all you know, there was never a
good news to be brought to begin with. Look around you and see the
situation. If there really is a chance that you can still be together,
why wait? If you really want something that much, I say go for it and
do not sit there waiting for someone to bring you the bone. Go and get
it for yourself.

Life is all about you and the choices you make. You are the center of
your own universe. Be proactive and not reactive. Always remember
that.

I believe I already answered the second question as well. Proceeding
to the third one, it is already hard to move on after a break up, what
more move on after a break up with an unfinished business. But make
some reality check. Is it really unfinished or its just all in your
head.

Sometimes, when we want something so much but we lost it, we make
ourselves believe that it isn't over yet and there are unfinished
business that were left out. But think of it on a deeper level, the
fact that a relationship is over means it is finished. Whether or not
something was left unfinished, the fact that it ended means one of you
(or maybe both of you), want/s to finish whatever you had.

What makes letting go harder is the undying question "what if...?"
Tell you what, the more you ask yourself this question, the more
you'll find yourself further to the road of recovery. Never think that
there is a better choice than what you've made 'coz you can never
really prove that. You can go sleepless every night but not would not
really show you if there is a better choice. Instead, when you make a
decision, think of it as the only decision there is and make it the
best one you ahve made.

Unfinished business ends with you deciding to move on and realizing
that not all businesses have to be finished the way you expect them to
be.

I hope I answered your question. Thanks!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Can you ever stop loving?

Ei Anytime Now!

Okay, here's one, this was our midterm question back in college
(Philosophy of Man):

If you ever stop loving someone, was it ever really love?

Thanks!

Oneiros
Baguio City

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hello!

Loving does not end, at least that's how I see it. I can only speak of
what love is for me as like any other word, "love" means something
else to others.

When you've truly loved someone, it will never end. Even if you're no
longer together, if if he isn't there. However, its not the same love
that you had before. Love can exist in different forms, and caring for
someone who isn't with you anymore can still be called love.

So I guess my answer is NO. Love is so good it never ends. With or without you
knowing it.

Hope I answered it! Thanks for asking!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Love can only bring good... Right?

Hi Anytime Now!

Hey hey i've a question............. Let me be the first to ask.

Is it wrong to profess your love (again) to your ex whos currently in
a relationship......?

Thanks!

LeeXiaoRan, 20 yrs old
Makati City

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi LeeXiaoRan!

Who knows what's objectively right and wrong. But in my opinion, it is
not proper. He is already in a relationship and for whatever reason
there is that you have to let her know, what good would it do now that
of all the times you were together, you chose this moment, when
she is already with someone else, that you still love him.
It may or may not affect her. But it will definitely affect you. Love
is good in whatever angle you look at it. How can love be so bad. But
not all good things need to be shared to others. Not unless it is your
intention to steal her or cause confusion, I think some noble things
should be kept to yourself.

Thanks for asking! Hope I gave light!

Just Ask Anytime Now!

Just Ask Anytime Now

Well, how do I begin this? It all started with a simple advice that I gave to someone..

"Well, I never believed that 'all is fair in love and war'. You can be bitter about it, be mad about it, deny you still want it, admit that you want him back, and finally, get over him. Thing is, it doesn't have to be done this way 'coz it would hurt you more knowing that you had to go to this extent to show how much you're hurt. Cry him a river but build a bridge after and walk over it. It may take several attempts but its all worth it. Someone we've loved and lost is worth all the tears we can give."

After this, I've been getting messages from people positive feedbacks from people that they liked what I said and it kinda made sense. Then I realized, maybe I should give this a shot. If I really do have the "gift" of giving answers, why not share it to others. Maybe, just maybe, I can really help.

So, if you have any questions, just e-mail me. I won't be replying via e-mail, but instead, I'll be posting your question, along with my answer, in this blog. So keep yourself posted.

Just ask Anytime Now, and you'll surely get an answer.

I'll be waiting.