Love comes to those who wait... Nah!

Yo, g'day.

I saw your posts somewhere and I thought, what the heck, I could use a (good) second opinion on stuff. I have a

couple of questions for you.

Do you do link trades? I've linked to you, at the moment, and you can see the link at http://salamangkero.trap17.com/links.php and I do think your blog is a nice idea, especially for lost people who seek (free) advice.

There was once a time in my life when I sought to keep my virginity. Then, after a friendly rejection from a close friend, I was lost, engaged in casual sex and discovered that there was much fuss about nothing. Now, I can say I have mellowed down, that the novelty of sex wore off and the excitement of orgasm can only do so much. I was bombarded with work-related responsibilities so I didn't have much time to meet new people either.

A part of me deems it to be for the best. I should really focus on my work at the present and never attempt to quickly find love by short-circuiting it again. I discovered that the more you look for it, the more it eludes you. Besides, I convinced myself there is nothing wrong with being single.

However, there is also a part of me that yearns to be with someone. I've tried a romantic relationship with less than five guys, in the past, but it all ended with me breaking away due to incompatibility (except for one that ended with rejection) I know that a person can be happy without a partner but my other self longs for intimate company, all the same.

Just this afternoon, I was at a nearby bookstore when I noticed this guy. My gay-dar is nowhere as keen as most gay people's are and it mostly detects whether a guy is "datable" or not instead of gay or straight. Anyway, there was a ping on my gay(date)dar and I checked him out. He was reading a magazine so he didn't know I was looking. He was decent-looking, on the outside and, gicing him the benefit of the doubt, I don't think he's a total dumb bloke either. However, I didn't know what to do so I just walked away, metaphorically empty-handed with nary a mobile phone number nor an email address.

How do I reach out to guys like me? How do I convey my interest without risking conflict? I'll have you know that I am allergic to violence directed at myself. Do I sound like I'm ready for a serious romantic relationship? Is there really hope of me "finding" my soulmate or do I really have to just sit back wait?

No, I'm not lost; I do have a good notion of the answers but I am quite interested to find another person's take on the matter. I'll be looking forward to your post ^_^

Sky Raeff

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Hi Sky Raeff!

First and foremost, I really appreciate your positive feedback. Though reader's entertainment is not really the primary goal of this blog, I'm glad that some people like you really enjoy reading my blog. More than that, I would like to thank you for letting me know what you feel about this. It's one thing to appreciate something, it's another to tell its creator of your appreciation. Thank you so much!

I am sure that once upon a time, I see virginity, not just mine but VIRGINITY per se, as something so precious that I wouldn't give it to just about anyone. I'm pretty sure we are not alone in that. Don't you just miss these days when we are still so ideal with life and it's all about how things SHOULD be. Though having some reality check, specially with our generation, we know that sex is no longer SOMETHING, it's just one of the many things. But it still feels good to know that once upon a time, we were ideal and innocent.

There is nothing wrong with being single. No need to convince yourself on that as it's a fact. Being single would allow you to do a lot of things you wouldn't normally do when you're in a relationship. There are lots of possibilities that you can explore and so many doors that can only be opened exclusively for you.

Though I believe that focussing on your work is a good thing as it would help you determine where you wanna be in terms of your career, it stops being so when it is just a mere distraction. Remember the Law of Entropy? A closed system will tend to move towards its maximum state of disorder until it self-destructs. An external energy applied to the system may prevent its collapse, however, pulling this external energy out of the system will again lead the system back to its destruction.

Keeping yourself busy with work does only keeps you busy from thinking about your lovelife. It doesn't change anything, it only respresses your longing to be in an "ideal" relationship you've always wanted to have. Keeping yourself busy with work, or with anything at all, is OK so as long as you're not doing it just to keep yourself busy from being busy with something else. Gets?

You said you've tried being in relationships but they did not work due to "incompatibility". Can I ask you how old you are? Because I think, no offense, basing on your statement that you've had 5 failed relationships (technically 4), how long did each relationship last for you to conclude that you are not compatible? Don't you think that "incompatibility" is a very overused reason for break-ups? Personally, I don't believe that such differences would be enough to cause a break-up. Not unless he prefers skinning live animals for a past time, I don't think it would be much of a strain in the relationship that no matter how much similarities you have, you still are different people and you have to understand, accept, then live with those differences, if you really want things to work out.

There are only 2 reasons for break-ups, (1) you don't wanna be in the relationship, (2) or you want it to work, but you wouldn't do anything to save it. All relationships encounter problems but if you wouldn't face these problems to protect your relationship, then who would? I'm not saying that you should take on the "martyr" role, what I'm saying is if you really want something to work, you would go the extra mile to make it happen.

Companionship is different from commitment. Just because you want to HAVE SOMEONE TO BE WITH, it doesn't mean you WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE. From what I see, you are repressing your longing to be in a successful relationship that it (unconsciously and unintentionally) manifests in forcing yourself to be in relationships that you never really wanted to be part of in the first place. You are not yet ready be in a serious commitment right now and these 5 failed relationships that you had just proves them. However, you are pushing it to prove to yourself that you are worthy of being loved and you are capable of loving someone within the context of a relationship.

You don't need affirmation. You don't need to convince yourself anything. Most of all, you don't need someone to tell you what you're worth and what you're capable of doing. Commiting yourself should not be an answer to a question or a solution to a problem, it should be destination. A goal.

Love comes to those who wait. I never believed in that. But I don't believe as well that if you look for love, you'll find it. It's not something that you find instantly. Love is the outcome, the fruit, the end product, of the choice to be with someone until you reach the point of falling for him. Love is a choice. Though you don't choose who to love, you can decide who you'd like to love eventually.

Its not a question of when you will meet your soulmate, or who you're destined to be with. It's asking yourself "Am I willing to take the path with this person that will eventually lead us to fall in love?"

I've never really tried throwing a pick-up line to a stranger but if you feel like doing it, why not? At least you get to experience how its like. At times, the act of doing something is more satisfying than its results. You'll never know what may happen.

Don't rush yourself. It may be a cliche but its true (that is why it is a cliche in the first place). Go out and date. Meet new people. Take your time to get to know people better and deeper before going into any relationship. Once you've met someone that you find really interesting, ask yourself if you're ready to decide to love.

Thanks for asking! Hope I gave you enlightenment.

Just Ask Anytime Now!