It's All In The Barkada...

Dear Mr. Anytime Now,

I am gay and have been dating a guy for some time now. He's an ex of a friend.
Their relationship wasn't exactly a good one, but they parted ways
peacefully and now they're good friends. This guy I'm dating has alos
been linked to some of my other friends. He has this reputation of
being a player - he admits it, though. But lately, he says he's
changed and I can sense that he's sincere (or maybe just really good
at pretending to be). The thing is, my friends doesn't approve of him
to be my boyfriend. There was this one incident when he met up with
his ex who was leaving for the States the next day. He didn't tell me
about it, explaining that he didn't want it to be an issue between the
two of us. He said he just wanted to say goodbye. The things is, he
lied to me even when I already figured out he went out with him. I
told him I wouldn't have a problem with it if he had just told me so.
He apologized and admitted it was entirely his fault and he promised
never to do it again.

I really REALLY like him and I can feel he likes me, too. But I'm
scared to death because I can't afford to get hurt again. He said he's
willing to wait for me and gain my trust as well as my friends'. He
wants me to make him "suffer" and leave everything to him.

Should I give him a chance?

Thanks!

Myro

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Hi Myro!

Sorry for the late response. I was busy earlier office works.
Anyway, I've been in the same shoes before and I must tell you that
friends turning to lovers and sharing lovers with friends are 2 of the
most uncomfortable incidents that could happen in your life. This can
even cost you your friendship. But at the end of the day, I believe
that those who really love you would understand whatever your decision
will be.

So what if this guy has a reputation? Everyone can change and everyone
is entitled to the chance to change. Who knows? Reputations are like
stereotypes. You predict the next chain of events using what had
transpired in the past. But again, they just predict, they don't
conclude what would happen and who the person is.

These friends of yours who do not approve of the guy you were dating,
how close are you to them? Different people have different motives,
even the closest friends. It is possible that they are just concerned
and they wouldn't want you to get hurt. it is also possible that some
of them are bitter and don't want you to have what they didn't. Or, it
is a probability that they don't feel comfortable being with a guy
that has been with every person in the barkada. Weigh how things are
between you and your friends. Most of the time, they make good judges
of people in your life. But at times, only you can see what others
can't in someone you treat special.

Regarding honesty, it is a virtue and I believe it is important.
However, some things are better left unsaid as they would not bring
anything good. Either way, not telling you the truth means he is
hiding something. It is possible that it really wasn't a biggie that
you need not know about it or he has personal motives. I don't wanna
be a judge to him but in my opinion, if it is something as "mababaw"
as taking an ex to the airport, I don't see anything wrong telling
you about it. Trust is so fragile that years of regret can never put
back its broken pieces.

You like him? I say go as long as you know what the consequences are.
There are many things in this life that you would regret that you did
not do than those you did. If nagpapakababaw nga tayo exerting effort
to see our crushes or get someone's number that we just met, what more
to a person that you really like. Had I been in your shoes, hell I
would take the chance.

Myro, real friends would understand and accept you whatever your
decision will be so as long as you are not hurting anyone in the
process intentionally. if you think you may hurt others with what you
will do, talk to them first before making any decision.
People may say a lot of things about your choice but those who do
don't matter and those who really matter, won't.

Hope I was of help! Thanks for asking.

Just Ask Anytime Now!